My Burnout

This post took a little courage. It is my first ever account of the serious burnout I suffered in 1990 -- six years into “stand-alone” ministry. I post it because I believe it might be helpful. I attended another Church one Sunday, and felt nauseated by the familiar hymns and liturgy. I noticed that the Church programme was, strangely, shaking in my hands. After the service, I sat down on the grass outside, feeling ill. Soon after, I began to weep, and I couldn’t stop. Instantly, I lost my short-term memory: “What did you say? Why am I here? What day is it?” (but I can remember details of that time now). I lost the ability to concentrate. I had the continual feeling I had just been caught in a speed trap. I plunged into the blackest depression. I couldn’t eat -- (the nausea). I couldn’t sleep. I reacted with shock to the telephone, the cat, everything. A clinical psychologist assessed me. She said, “You will never make it back into ministry.” The symptoms stayed with me for months, some of them for years. OBSERVATION: I had not imagined that one could so rapidly and unexpectedly collapse under strain. I returned -- it required extreme determination -- to a very managed or limited ministry four months later, in 1991. I never overcame all the effects of that burnout, yet it has proved to be an abiding blessing to me (and to others) in so many ways. I thank God for it. The reasons for the burnout -- well, that's another story.
.
NOTE: The official name for what afflicted me was Severe Stress Reaction. It's described by Wikipedia.