Culpable Popularity

A long-serving minister in the area preached his last sermon. One of his congregation told me: “He is very popular. People adore him.” Another told me: “You can count the people in his Church on your fingers.” OBSERVATION: Assuming both to be true, it might seem a feather in his cap to move on with the reputation as "a great guy". But I would consider that he failed to do what he needed to. While not every Church must grow, ministers are not called upon to be popular at the expense of the Kingdom. I think one of our deacons got it right: “He was kept in check by elderly members. It killed the Church.”

Morning Worship

I returned to a fairly full Church this morning -- but there were a lot of people I didn't know (say a third). Our worship deaconess E. (pictured) led our pre-service singing -- which I think makes all the difference on a Sunday morning. It's not the same Church without it. I'm pleased that E. got it together in the absence of wife M., who usually has a kind of oversight over this team (five in the team today).

DRC / NGK Napier

I've made it an interest to reflect something of local Churches on this blog. This is another ostentatious DRC (Dutch Reformed Church). It was built in 1838, after a dispute among members of a neighbouring village (Bredasdorp) who were disgruntled about plans for a Church there. So they moved 16km/10mi west, and built this. In the same year, the Boers crossed the Vaal River. This Church in Napier is built in the form of a Greek cross with teak interior and a beautiful pipe organ. OBSERVATION: Personally, I think this is the best photo of the Church on the Internet. You may click on it to enlarge to “double VGA” (870k).

What Now?

My first counselling session this year seemed to typify ministry here. It was a "What now?" session with a sociologist from Central Africa. Where do you turn, when you have fled to a foreign land? Very many turn to the Church -- as did he. Here is his story. His town came under assault by a large rebel force. There was gunfire everywhere, and mortars falling. He and his wife grabbed three of their five children. His sister-in-law grabbed the other two. He said, "There was no chance to salvage anything. All we had was the clothes we were wearing." They were separated by the fighting. They had no idea what happened to the other two children -- until they arrived as refugees in South Africa. The "lost" children are safe -- somewhere in Central Africa. OBSERVATION: He showed me photos of the three -- but he held photos of the other two close to himself. Why did he do that?

Blister Beetle

I photographed this Spotted Blister Beetle with my Leica camera. It is called a Blister Beetle because it causes blisters if one handles it. You may click on it to enlarge to VGA. Its home was a small, isolated swamp -- no stream in, no stream out, in the middle of a desolate valley. It is common in the south-western part of Southern Africa, almost only in the wilds. It would seem perfectly fitted to that reed.

Resurrection Power

I was talking to doctoral student V. at George Whitfield College -- a Kenyan pastor furthering his education in South Africa. He is researching the relationship of God’s resurrection power to the Church today. He said to me: “God’s resurrection power will not apply to Christians only at the resurrection of the dead. It is a present power in the Church on earth. The Scriptures demonstrate this clearly.” OBSERVATION: Resurrection, of course, is only what happens to the dead. He told me that the Church has nothing left without it. We talked about the distance between this and much of the theology of the Global North. In my experience, such theology is virtually unknown in the Global North.

“Express Courier”

My Master's thesis was hot off the press, and I sent a copy by "express courier" to my aged mother. The thesis vanished. The agents for the courier told me they had lost their records (I had a record, but I'd lost the tracking number). Then the manager intervened. "No," he said softly, "we didn't lose our records. There is no record. It doesn't exist and it never did." He said, "I would have handled it personally. You had a lapse of memory. You never came in here with your thesis." 1½ months after placing the thesis with those agents, the "express courier" finally delivered. I told the agents. They laughed and said, "That's funny!" OBSERVATION: I guess it is -- if it's not your thesis!

DR Church B'Bos

This is the DRC (or NGK, in Afrikaans) in Baardskeerdersbos (B’Bos for short), near Elim, near the southern tip of Africa -- a fairly isolated village. I took the photos from opposite ends of the Church, and you may click on them to enlarge (about 80k size). Note the inset, the foundation stone, which seems to contradict all the dates I have seen on the Internet. The drape in front of the pulpit says (translated): “God is Love”. OBSERVATION: The dirt road through B'Bos was terrible. On a score of A to F (for complete Fail), I'd give it a D. I had to change down to first gear to negotiate some of it.

My Burnout

This post took a little courage. It is my first ever account of the serious burnout I suffered in 1990 -- six years into “stand-alone” ministry. I post it because I believe it might be helpful. I attended another Church one Sunday, and felt nauseated by the familiar hymns and liturgy. I noticed that the Church programme was, strangely, shaking in my hands. After the service, I sat down on the grass outside, feeling ill. Soon after, I began to weep, and I couldn’t stop. Instantly, I lost my short-term memory: “What did you say? Why am I here? What day is it?” (but I can remember details of that time now). I lost the ability to concentrate. I had the continual feeling I had just been caught in a speed trap. I plunged into the blackest depression. I couldn’t eat -- (the nausea). I couldn’t sleep. I reacted with shock to the telephone, the cat, everything. A clinical psychologist assessed me. She said, “You will never make it back into ministry.” The symptoms stayed with me for months, some of them for years. OBSERVATION: I had not imagined that one could so rapidly and unexpectedly collapse under strain. I returned -- it required extreme determination -- to a very managed or limited ministry four months later, in 1991. I never overcame all the effects of that burnout, yet it has proved to be an abiding blessing to me (and to others) in so many ways. I thank God for it. The reasons for the burnout -- well, that's another story.
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NOTE: The official name for what afflicted me was Severe Stress Reaction. It's described by Wikipedia.

Update On Wife M.

I have marked, on this blog, some of the more significant moments in wife M.'s illness. She is a much loved person, and I know that there are people who hope for news here. She started chemotherapy in December. She received a major blood transfusion earlier this month. Last week she went for a general assessment. It was thought that she has not responded well to treatment. Today, therefore, they began to inject her with "the endurance athlete's steroid", EPO. OBSERVATION: We have had an underlying quietness, and M. says that I myself am a great encouragement. Yet, despite my rich experience in ministry, I could not have dreamed of some of the aspects of this, and have at times been distressed and confused. The photo: I took M. out for breakfast here, shortly after her transfusion.

Embezzlement

On several occasions, I have received information, mostly in counselling, of massive embezzlement of funds (half a million to very many millions). Such revelations would seem to be a curious feature of urban ministry. Yet I am baffled that the public organisations concerned have little accountability to the public. I don't think that this would be possible in the Church, where transparency is the order of the day. In the press then, the squandered monies are put down to escalating costs, or problems of management, or the blame is shifted – yet seldom are the facts revealed. Employees are asked to accept various austerity measures, the public is asked for more, and so on. Here's an example (our intern was with me when this was revealed): a public servant hires a jet for a million rands, to fetch an ailing friend from a neighbouring country – an operation outside the purview of the organisation. Worse, said public servant forgets to obtain clearance for the jet, and the million is forfeited. (I believe this story is known only to insiders). OBSERVATION: I have a policy in regard to such information, so that this post is “as close as it gets”.

Neighsayers

When it comes to my Indian Bajaj pickup, there are many neighsayers. However, note how longingly this mare gazes at it from behind a fence. From the point of view of good horse sense, it's clear: the Bajaj is a neighm to be desired. It's a pity that horses don't speak, or detractors of this beautiful vehicle would be silenced once and for all.

Daunted

I feel so daunted when I return to work after a holiday/vacation. I feel that ministry is absolutely beyond my capacity or ability. It is way over my head. And yet today, when I called in at the office for the first time this year, I felt so encouraged, so lifted up, with every conversation, every meeting, every call. It was as though the sun came out. OBSERVATION: It seems to me that there is a thing called critical mass among Christians. Together, they shine. I think too that, in a sense, it would be theologically correct to feel daunted. The Church is a work beyond human doing or ability. It is all of grace.

Blue Damselfly

Yesterday I posted a photo of the Red Basker dragonfly. This one shows not a dragonfly but a damselfly, called the March Bluetail. I took this photo close to the Red Basker. In fact, if you take another look at the photo of the Red Basker, you'll spot a March Bluetail in the background. OBSERVATION: This damselfly is a smaller insect, very common in Southern Africa. Click on the photo to enlarge to VGA (note the better quality of the Red Basker photo. There, I slightly under-exposed the photo).

Dying At Home

R.'s husband fell seriously ill – and died. For the last five days of his life, day and night, she held him in bed. She said to me: “I promised him he would die at home. He hated the thought of going to hospital.” I said to her: “You did a very great thing.” OBSERVATION: I am aware that this kind of act may be quite beyond some people's circumstances or ability.

Strategic Emphasis

No sooner was I (half) back on duty today than I received one of those requests which had me wondering at the end of the day: "Where did my time go?" It revived the purpose in me: What strategic importance should I assign to the various areas of ministry in 2010? I decided to combine my answer with a blog post:
OF HIGH IMPORTANCE: ● Preaching ● Priesthood of believers ● Evangelism ● Leadership meetings ● Crisis intervention ● Counselling congregants ● Church order ● Educating the congregation
OF MEDIUM IMPORTANCE: ● Church groups ● Conducting Bible study ● Church staff ● Office-bearer recruitment ● Membership applications ● Police matters ● Associate Church ● Church programme ● Personal planning ● Personal relations ● Reporting to the congregation
OF LOW IMPORTANCE: ● Finances ● Property ● Missions ● Charity ● Routine visitation ● Social events ● Administration ● Advertising ● Counselling non-congregants ● The community ● Correspondence ● Paperwork ● References and referrals ● Strategy
OBSERVATION: Another way of putting this: Which items shall I choose over which? Note that the above by no means reflects the absolute importance of each item (e.g. finance is vital, but simply not my department), nor does it reflect an item's importance over time (e.g. missions is fundamental, but not urgent as a priority). The list does not include personal priorities.

Red Dragonfly

This Red Basker is arguably the most impressive dragonfly in Southern Africa (apart from the Blue Emperor perhaps). The moment I saw it, I wanted to photograph it. It was very skittish – but with great patience, I managed to get my lens to within 10cm (4") of it. OBSERVATION: It deserves to be seen in VGA – which you may do by clicking on the photo. It is described as a "large" dragonfly (wingspan 7cm/3").

Deaconess' Joke

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One gets some daft jokes in our Church. On any given Sunday, the flowers in the sanctuary might look as they do above left. But one Sunday morning, a deaconess walked into Church and deposited the "bouquet" one sees above right. She laughed and said, "Reverend, these are our flowers today!" She was joking. She just wanted to see the look on my face.

DRC Bredasdorp

Yesterday I attended the Dutch Reformed Church (DRC, or NGK) in Bredasdorp – another thriving Church (see photo). In fact, the Church held two services side by side: “formal” and “informal”. Ds. Hough was a fearless preacher. He said we do not praise God for earthly, temporary benefits, but for higher reasons. He said: “If you are in Church for your own benefit [voorspoed] ... you are cursed by God!” OBSERVATION: Yet I was disturbed by the cultural homogeneity of this Church, in the midst of a mixed society. The reason: one cannot reap a fulness of blessing like this. I believe the priesthood of believers (which the NGK does not have) would overcome this. Click on the photo to enlarge to VGA.

The Middle Of Nowhere

This photo appeals to me. It is a four-way intersection in the middle of nowhere. The sign on the left points the way to a cottage where (until this morning) I holed up to write. The sign seems so out of place here. One typically sees it on city streets. You may click on the photo to enlarge to VGA.

Back To The Farm

By the time you read this, I shall be en route back to the farm (Soutpansvlakte, or Salt Pan Flats). If I have a good run, I should get there in less than six hours. If I have a bad one ... I've thrown a tow rope into my luggage (I'll be travelling in my little three-wheeler). I'm going to complete a paper -- and to rest. I expect to be back next week.

Looking Back, Forward

At the end of 2008, on this blog, I looked to the year ahead (see The Year Ahead). A repeat post is overdue. Looking back, I did complete my Master’s degree (a strong finish after five long years), I did supervise a candidate for the ministry (a fruitful year), and I did forge ahead with writing papers (I put in determined work, making excellent progress). However, I did not enrol for a doctorate (although effectively accepted), and the Church did not go through recapitalisation (which is a relief, personally). In 1999, a prophetess stopped me on a street in Sydney. I was 38. She started by establishing her credentials: she told me about myself and my circumstances, and I was baffled that she could speak so truly. Then she told me that, when I turned 50, it would be a very big year. I turn 50 this May. What might the year hold? The time has come for me to make an original academic contribution, which I have prepared for a very long time (decades, not years). I am now a week away from my first major submission. However, it may be a very different year in the Church. For nearly thirty years, wife M. and I have ministered as “a great team” (see photo). There is a big question mark over whether this will continue -- due to her cancer. There is a big question mark over what kind of reorganisation may be required in the Church, and where life may lead. OBSERVATION: I am conscious that I always think too small about God’s love and His intentions for us.

Academic Paper

While on the farm last week, I wrote a paper. The reward, if it should be accepted, is a very special one. Now back in Cape Town, I felt so blessed to receive help from postgrad through to professorial level. Some of the feedback: "Very insightful." "A very interesting concept ... I think that your argument is sound." "Very interesting and well written." However, there's a good deal of comment I now need to work through -- which I hope to do back on the farm this coming week. OBSERVATION: In the paper, I suggest a solution to fact-value dualism. The influence of this dualism on (post) modern society cannot be underestimated. As an example, one has the great divide between the natural and the human sciences.

Intern: Looking Back

Last year, I supervised a Canadian intern (pictured). There was the official report I handed in last month -- but here's a purely personal view. On the "plus" side, it was special for me to have an intern witness so many things that others normally do not see. I felt good about the way that he developed here -- I felt that I saw God at work. I am glad that we kept a good relationship going all year through. And it was interesting to be involved with the Canadian Church. On the "minus" side, I found it a distraction to need to explain and model my theology and praxis! It made me too self-conscious. And supervising an intern is of course time-consuming, but that is not without its rewards and offsets.

Untrustworthy Maps [2]

One of my more popular posts, recently, was about Untrustworthy Maps. South African maps cannot be relied upon to distinguish accurately between, for instance, a farm or a village. This can be important, if one is depending on tanking up, or stocking up at the local store -- not least due to some of the vast distances here. Here's an example from an actual map. The map is dated 2004, and is probably the most popular map in the country (MapStudio). Notice that Napier and Rhenosterfontein are both marked as villages. Bredasdorp, between the two, is marked as a town. Smaller places are also marked. Napier is indeed a bustling village -- but Rhenosterfontein is a single farmhouse, with a dairy. You may enlarge the map (about 60k size) by clicking on it.

Priests In The Home

It is said that "men have been called to be the priests in their home". I myself tell Christian couples in distress that they are called to be pastors to each other -- both of them: "If you were a pastor, walking into this, what would your role be?" OBSERVATION: I'm not sure what it is that some married couples think they are there for, as a spouse. I think "pastor" answers a large part of the question, and sums it up nicely. It speaks of selflessness, spiritual encouragement, the larger view, prayer, patience, and so on.

Anglican Church Caledon

Here's a photo of the much-loved Holy Trinity Anglican Church of Caledon, a town about 130km/80mi east of Cape Town. It was built around 1850 (I don't have the exact year) under Bishop Gray and his influential wife. According to one website, "the modest scale, details and cost of these [village] churches, as well as frequent use of local stone, gives them a unity of style". These Churches generally have bell-turrets rather than towers, and follow Early English style. They often have thatched rooves. You may click on the photo to enlarge to VGA.

Targeted Mail

Several letters, addressed to me, got lost in the post. So I went to see our local postmaster. I was ushered into a large, warehouse-like room -- his desk in the middle of it. He said, "Mail that is addressed to Christian ministers is targeted." He said he didn't know the reason for this, but he guessed it was because ministers are thought to receive donations. OBSERVATION: However, I can't remember that I have received a donation in my personal mail.

Vigilance

Three reasons for vigilance in the South African summer: 1. the snakes are out of hibernation, 2. the snakes are big! and 3. the snakes are slithering where you are walking. I took this photo on a farm road in the Agulhas district. You may click on it to enlarge to VGA. (And here's a snake I had an encounter with several months ago: Snakes Alive).

Ambivalence

I have been on leave for two weeks, and two weeks still lie ahead. This year, as I look ahead, I have a feeling of desire -- to walk into the fresh morning air of another year of Church. And yet, at the same time, I feel completely mismatched for the task. It seems to lie so far beyond my ability or strength. OBSERVATION: I think back to when I first started in ministry, nearly thirty years ago. I also had that sense of freshness and desire, which was lost in years that followed. But then I had the attitude of "can do", which now seems to be completely undone.

A Cat's Life

To end the day, here's my first blog photo taken with my new Leica camera. It's son M.'s cat, Mowgli. She was rescued by the SPCA from one of Cape Town's toughest neighbourhoods, Grassy Park, and now lives on the luxurious Atlantic coast. It's a cat's life.

Baptismal Regeneration

On Sunday I attended the Roman Catholic Church in my own suburb, Sea Point (see photo). This was another Church that was packed. The message was: are you making progress with the calling God gave you? OBSERVATION: I received a Diocesan handout on entering. It said: "Most of us cannot remember the day of our baptism given that we were still babies. Nevertheless, every baptised person has been born again by water and the Holy Spirit ..." This is of course the doctrine of baptismal regeneration. It is rather antithetical to the teaching of our own Church, namely that a direct encounter with God is essential.

Better Images

This blog should be seeing better pictures. I burnt the sensor of my Pentax camera (a nice camera, though not exceptional), so I replaced it today with "The Red Dot" (see photo). I can see immediately that this is a superior camera. OBSERVATION: I've been through four compact cameras in a year. For one thing, I gave two away. (I started this blog with a grainy VGA handycam -- see my Profile on this blog as an example).

Like A Mirage

It looks like a lake, right? In fact, there's no water here at all – not even moisture. This is one of South Africa's many salt pans – in this case a smaller one. One reads of mirages. While this one's not a mirage, it might well have fooled early travellers. It fooled me – until I got this close. I took this photo at the farm I recently visited. You may click on the photo to enlarge to VGA -- then you'll see the deception better.

Anglican Church

I also attended the Anglican Church in Bredasdorp last Sunday (see photo). As you see, the Church is generally alive and well in these parts. I found that there was a strange irreverence about this Church. For instance, I stood next to the man who said the benediction. He said, without pause: "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost amen now where the devil did he [presumably the priest] put that thing?" OBSERVATION: The Communion wine was excellent -- Calitzdorp Ruby Port, if my experience serves me correctly! You may click on the photo to enlarge to VGA. Note the thatch roof -- and the multicultural congregation.

Bullying

The subject of the bullying of ministers has had a buzz around it lately. Rev. Terry Young is quoted on the Internet as saying about ministers: "They're picked on for everything they do wrong, so in the end the person runs around terrified." I take a tough stance on bullying, a) because the work of the Church is important, and should not be hindered, and b) because bullying is a spirit of control, which is contrary to the Spirit and the Body. I disagree with ministers who believe it has more to do with their own sanctification than anything else. OBSERVATION: Wife M. has claimed (with a smile) that I make the bullies run around terrified (one tries to do it with love, of course).

Enveloped

Often I have been asked how my little three-wheeler copes with passing trucks. With this in mind, here's a rare photo of a truck passing my three-wheeler on a country road. I have enhanced the red here a little -- so that you can see my three-wheeler at all! It's at the bottom right of the photo, and you can just see its cabin and its load-bed at the back, enveloped in a cloud of dust. OBSERVATION: It gets worse -- when it rains! My three-wheeler has no doors at the sides.

Hope And Strength

Though I'm on leave for most of January, I might drop a post or two as I have opportunity. This is the VGK (in English: Uniting Reformed Church) which I attended on Sunday in Bredasdorp, a village at the southern tip of Africa. The basic theme of the sermon was that Christ overcomes -- not least when we are at the far side of of our own hope or strength. In short, God is an interventionist God -- of foresight, power, and tender mercy. OBSERVATION: This resonated with me, as it is a fundamental emphasis of our own Church. In the VGK on Sunday, though, it was put across somewhat mystically, while the preaching and testimonies in our Church seem to be more "hands on". This VGK was built in 1961, and the architect is W. de W. Bronkhorst. You may click on the image to enlarge to VGA.

“Shame”

The word “shame” has a curious meaning in South Africa. It's mostly used as an interjection, something like: “Pity, poor thing.” Well shame, I dropped off wife M. at hospital this morning, and saw to it that she settled in nicely in a ward. Her haemoglobin had fallen critically low. I interrupted my stay on the farm yesterday, and drove 6-7 hours back to Cape Town. M. insisted that I should stay on the farm, but I thought it was the only thing to do, to return. Now the farmer's wife insists on refunding me for the remainder of my stay. I feel too embarrassed to accept it at the moment. (It's not industry rules, which say I forfeit the money).

Untrustworthy Maps!

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Do not trust a South African map! Above you see two places that the respectable MapStudio Tourist Atlas shows as villages at the southern tip of Africa, as opposed to mere settlements (you may click on the images to enlarge -- about 50k). At the top is Napier, at the bottom is Rhenosterfontein -- both of them "villages". I rest my case! So, having tanked up with petrol/gas at Napier, and having entered a shop there, perhaps having dined at a restaurant, one might have similar designs on Rhenosterfontein. But all one will find at Rhenosterfontein is a dairy. See Ghost Town for a similar experience I had. OBSERVATION: I cut short my stay on the farm. More on that soon.