Here is some advice on how to write the most stunningly successful philosophy. Take it from me as a philosophy editor. First, you need a name that no one can remember, let alone think up. Then choose the most dismal subject you can think of, say death, and repeat the word as often as you can. Launch it with a long and impenetrable sentence, something about, say, "an indefinite and aleatory retrospective point of view". Pepper it with words like "non-Dasein", "finitude", and "ontological". And be sure to write it in an Eastern European English that confounds the editors. That is precisely what we published this morning at 30 past midnight GMT. My colleague edited it, and I copy edited it. In twelve hours flat it has gone stratospheric. Readers poured in from four continents. It shot past our daily rankings, our weekly rankings, our monthly rankings. Half a day later it is "up there" in our all-time top ten.
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