‘I'll Kill Him!’

This one is not for sensitive readers. A woman called me up to say that she wanted to see me. Her husband had taken to drinking again. “If he walks in drunk,” she said, “I swear I’ll kill him!” I said, “Is an hour soon enough?” Yes, she said, soon enough. Ten minutes later she called me again. She said calmly, “He’s lying downstairs in a pool of blood". I went over, and she was nowhere to be found -- but her husband was in a distressing condition, on his back -- surrounded by a pool of blood. A security guard had popped an eye back into the socket. How he knew how to do that I wouldn’t know. They kept him awake all night at the hospital, apparently to keep him from slipping into a coma. Then they operated on him for 2½ hours to save the eye. OBSERVATION: So what happened? They ran over a tape from a security camera, but it had happened just off-camera. And nobody was talking.